Couldn't wait to get going, but wasn't quite ready to leave

It’s 7:10am and I’m writing this from bus from UEA to Heathrow. As we pulled out of the campus driveway and I watched the Sportspark, Arts Building, and the lake roll past my window I found myself holding back tears. These places, buildings, and landmarks that I have become so familiar with were disappearing behind me and the reality that I will never see them again began to sink in.

I find focusing on missing places is easier than focusing on missing people. I need to have faith that Kieran, Rich, and Rach WILL come visit me and Phoebe at Dickinson next year; in 5, 10, or maybe 15 years I’ll get an invitation to Kari’s wedding and I’ll jump on a plane to Norway to celebrate with her. These things could happen, they will happen—because thinking I may never see them all again is just too sad. As I hugged my friends’ goodbye I acted like it was any other temporary departure, it was easier—and because of the relationship we have I am confident that this was not goodbye for good, that I WILL see them again.

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Last night at dinner Kieran asked Phoebe and then proposed to me to sum up our time abroad in three words. Well, we never did that, but I’ve been thinking about it and the three words I would choose are:

life-changing, overwhelming, unforgettable

I’ve never had a year when I felt so lost and confused, yet perfectly comfortable at the same time. When I was so incredibly happy, but also always felt a little sad. Where I felt perfectly at home, but also constantly homesick.

This year was challenging in ways I did not anticipate, it forced me outside of my comfort zone, and sometimes that was scary as hell. I was expecting a cultural difference, but I did not realize in an English speaking country there would be such a language barrier. I knew I had fewer classes but I didn’t truly comprehend that that meant I would sometimes only leave my flat four hours a week. I was excited to have my own room and bathroom, but the loneliness was sometimes too difficult to handle.

I do not regret my decision to study abroad for a year, but I definitely would do things differently next time. I love England, and can’t wait to come back, but it’s no longer time to look back at the past 9 months, I’m ready to look ahead to the future. To my final SUMMER VACATION, to my internship, to the Red Sox, to summer concerts, to a summer in Boston, and to my senior year. I’m finishing this up as I sit in Starbucks in Heathrow Airport waiting for my gate number to be put up—this chapter of my life will be coming to a close at approximately 8:10pm EST as I land at JFK in New York, but the next one is just around the corner and I’m ready.



Don’t forget about me, I’m not leaving anytime soon.

xo.
-A