Music makes me lost control

Last night I went to my first concert since the summer! The headliner was Passion Pit, from none other than Cambridge, Massachusetts. Passion Pit played in Boston a couple months ago, and I was so jealous because the radio station had an in-studio performance, followed by a night of bowling, before attending the show at House of Blues in Boston...and where was I...Norwich! So when the events for the LCR (the on campus club) got posted at the beginning of the semester I immediately put the concert on my calendar. As the date approached I realized I actually hadn't purchased a ticket and ended up getting one of the last tickets before the show sold out. It was the first concert I had actually paid to attend in, well..a long time, and I could not wait!!

Yesterday afternoon I realized I didn't actually have anyone to go to the concert with, so excited about seeing the show I prepared myself to attend what was potentially going to end up being a rave alone, until I found out a couple of other Dickinson students had also purchased tickets. So last night we made our way out to a PACKED LCR. (We later found out that Ellie Goulding who was opening for Passion Pit apparently has the number 1 song on the UK charts right now..who knew?) After a terrible pre-opener my friend Andrew and I decided to push our way up closer to the stage for Ellie's set. And glad we did, because she was really good! I don't quite understand how she has the number 1 song...but hey, to each his own.

At the end of her set me, Andrew, and two other girls who we had come with decided we could get even closer for Passion Pit. We got sucked into the crowd and braced ourselves for the possibility that we had just of placed ourselves right in the center of the mosh pit area. When the lights in the room went out and the beat started pumping through the speakers I was rushed back into a place I love.

A place where the music takes control of your body. Where everybody around you is moved by the same motion. Jumping together. Singing along to the worlds. Being moved my the song. The atmosphere. And the passion and dedication of the people performing for US up on that stage. I love it all.

And I had forgotten how much of me needs to be part of that atmosphere to feel alive.

I don't typically like huge crowds, where you can barely move, not to mention breathe. When I am at clubs with my friends I usually avoid the dance floor all together because there are too many people and insist on hanging out and dancing at the elevated area surrounding the floor. But for some reason I crave to be part of the crowd at concerts. When I got pushed through the crowd (my height and size allows this to happen quite easily) and made it to the front I was ecstatic.

At the end of the show I could feel myself beaming from ear to ear. I had forgotten what it feels like to just get that natural high off of life, off of music.



After the concert was over we went upstairs to hang out with one of my flatmates who was on-air for his radio show and before we left to go back to our flats we walked by one of the empty rooms where the lead singer of Passion Pit was hanging out, waiting for the rest of the band members to come up so they could watch a movie. We knocked on the door to thank him for a great show and Michael Angelakos came out in the hall and chatted with the four of us for about half an hour. We talked about life on the road, concerts we've been to, new artists/albums we like, Boston, how much money he makes per performance, he even gave one of the girls advice on how to break into the publishing industry. It was great to talk to him and for him to be so honest with us.

The perfect end to an already incredible evening.

I have been to more concerts than I can count, but this one has definitely moved to be one of the top ones on my list.

xo.
-A

I often miss this little girl...

More than ever I have been thinking about my past and my future. For some reason I'm having a really difficult time focusing on the present.

When I was a younger girl I had HUGE expectations of what I would be like when I grew up. I could not wait to be an adult, to be older and more mature. I had dreams of falling in love, getting married, living in a beautifully decorate home with a white picket fence and a garden, and two kids running around the yard. I wanted a job where I could wear a stylish business suit, and where I would go into the coffee shop in the morning and the barista would see me and say, "the regular?" I always thought I wanted to work for a record company in some form or another, and although my career plan has changed and I now hope to someday own my on event planning company, the things I always wanted as a young girl haven't changed. But but unlike 10, 7, 5, even 2 years ago when I could see these dreams in my mind, these are things I no longer SEE. These things truly seem like a dream and will never be a reality.

Maybe this is why I am having so much difficulty focusing on the PRESENT. It's why what I do TODAY seems pointless. But I know that what I do TODAY affects what will be my future, but for some reason as I go through my days it seems simply like a necessary task. It does not feel like I am living my life. And this I regret.

I have been spending so much time being jealous of the girl I used to be, and of her dreams, hopes, and expectations that I have forgotten what it means to live MY life, not hers. In a way I feel like if do not continue to dream about these things that I am letting her down.


"Some things just aren't meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were." -Gilmore Girls

My DREAMS haven't changed. But I feel like my sense of REALITY has. My ideas of what the future will hold is not the same as it used to be, and I think 'me' in the present is scared of that.

I often miss this little girl...whose dreams had no barriers...who believed in a world where anything is possible with a heart that is full and unbroken.


xo.
-A