More than ever I have been thinking about my past and my future. For some reason I'm having a really difficult time focusing on the present.When I was a younger girl I had HUGE expectations of what I would be like when I grew up. I could not wait to be an adult, to be older and more mature. I had dreams of falling in love, getting married, living in a beautifully decorate home with a white picket fence and a garden, and two kids running around the yard. I wanted a job where I could wear a stylish business suit, and where I would go into the coffee shop in the morning and the barista would see me and say, "the regular?" I always thought I wanted to work for a record company in some form or another, and although my career plan has changed and I now hope to someday own my on event planning company, the things I always wanted as a young girl haven't changed. But but unlike 10, 7, 5, even 2 years ago when I could see these dreams in my mind, these are things I no longer SEE. These things truly seem like a dream and will never be a reality.
Maybe this is why I am having so much difficulty focusing on the PRESENT. It's why what I do TODAY seems pointless. But I know that what I do TODAY affects what will be my future, but for some reason as I go through my days it seems simply like a necessary task. It does not feel like I am living my life. And this I regret.
I have been spending so much time being jealous of the girl I used to be, and of her dreams, hopes, and expectations that I have forgotten what it means to live MY life, not hers. In a way I feel like if do not continue to dream about these things that I am letting her down.
"Some things just aren't meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were." -Gilmore Girls
My DREAMS haven't changed. But I feel like my sense of REALITY has. My ideas of what the future will hold is not the same as it used to be, and I think 'me' in the present is scared of that.
I often miss this little girl...whose dreams had no barriers...who believed in a world where anything is possible with a heart that is full and unbroken.
xo.
-A
What a great piece of writing! I remember a girl who before she wanted to work for a record company wanted to write songs. What you wrote wasn't a song but it was poetry. When you get the urge to write like this again don't fight it. Maybe that's your reality.
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